Aneurysm's Alterverse Adventures
by Professor John Valen
Summary: A strange and often rude being named Aneurysm falls from the sky one day just outside the Masaki household... and where does he come from?
1. Default Chapter

This is a fanfiction involving my character, an advanced computer named Aneurysm, in the Tenchi Universe series.  
  
But first, who is Aneurysm? Well, Aneurysm (well, Aneurysm T-14M5 or the Type XIV of the M5 series of Omnitronic AI Computer Cores if you want technobabble) is the ultimate annoying computer, based on every tempermental computer I ever used. He has an advanced artificial intelligence, so he talks back and so forth, reflecting is arrogance and vanity. He was originally the main computer onboard the Starcraft Nefarious in my original science fiction stories called the Galacti. Then, Aneurysm became the main computer for the laboratory of my character in the stories created by my friends and me, adapted to suit that purpose. Then, Aneurysm, still the main computer of my lab, became a character in my series of stories called "Anime Trips" which technically exist, but aren't the quality of this story. (The prologue gives a summary of them.)  
  
And we come to where iAneurysm's Alterverse Adventures/i fits into all of this, taking place in the Anime Trip continuum a few days before Kiyone's arrival. It's a story from the series that I've been adding other stories onto it, making it your classic self-insertion fic.  
  
Of course, Aneurysm isn't your classic SI character, so, I'll take this bit to explain a few bits of the technology that is associated with Aneurysm. His primary unit is his CPU (Central Processing Unit of course) that containing his programming and some of his memory. (He usually has access to some form of computer core, so he can hold more memory.) His CPU contains his power cells which can be recharged as well as his holographic program which is then projected by a mobile emitter on his shoulder while the CPU floats inside the matrix through antigravity emitters. (In later stories, I've combined the two, so his emitter is directly attatched to his CPU.) So, he's an interactive computer.  
  
And now, the legal stuff: Tenchi Universe, its characters, terminology, and any related material is copyrighted by AIC/Pioneer and this has been written purely for entertainment purposes. Aneurysm, the Dimension Jumper, and all related material is copyrighted by myself and are my original creations. All DragonBall Z, Outlaw Star, Gundam Wing, Mobile Suit Gundam, and any other references to any other anime series belongs to their respective companies and are in here for entertainment purposes as well. "No Need for a Partner" (Revisted) contains dialogue used on the show (at least the Toonami version) and such dialogue is copyrighted to the writers of the show who orginally thought of it (or the editors who may have changed the dialogue). And, finally, Aneurysm and any other related material are my original creations unless otherwise specified.  
  
As a final note, I hope you enjoy this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. So, on with the show! 


	2. Prologue Anime Trip

Prologue - Anime Trip  
  
  
  
If you're reading this right now, you obviously need a life. I will leave this on some unregarded street corner in the middle of nowhere lost in the midst of the multiverse where I really don't expect anyone to find it unless they really look for it, in which case the person - if anyone - who finds this needs to meet a girl/guy/whatever the hell the opposite of your sex is and have an actual life outside of looking for things on street corners. I suggest that you put this back in the receptacle I put this in and leave it on the street corner on which I so eloquently placed it for another poor sap like yourself to find and read the above that you just have and do the exact same thing.  
  
If, for some unfathomable reason, you are still reading this, then you either like to be insulted or you have nothing better to do than to occupy a few minutes by reading things in boxes on sidewalks (which, in both cases, you still need a life, but I've already said that). So, I suppose I should give you something to relieve your boredom because I really have nothing better to do at this moment in time than to write this, so I'm relieving my boredom by doing so. So, I guess you have the right to relieve yours, though I extremely doubt that the following would even make the slightest bit of sense to you unless you're a highly-advanced life form such as myself.  
  
Now, you're probably wondering who I am, what makes me highly-advanced above you, and why such a highly-advanced life form is bored to begin with and, to relieve said boredom, is writing this to leave in a container on an obscure curb in the middle of the multiverse. If you're truly dense (which is the only explanation I can think of for anyone reading this far), then you're probably wondering what a multiverse is too. All will be explained in due course, assuming you can understand me because I don't have diagrams and I won't type slow.  
  
First off, I suppose I should introduce myself: I am Aneurysm T-14M5, the Type-14 of the M5 Series of Omnitronic AI Computer Cores. That also explains why I'm so highly-advanced, because my computerized nature gives me the large IQ of 4,016, though I'm not entirely sure of the accuracy of that number anymore. At any rate, I was created by an obscure and isolated scientist who far too smart for his own good at his age, name of Timothy Osborne. I was (yes, I'm using the past tense and no I'm not a digitized ghost) his computer for nearly five years (if you don't know what a year is, then, odds are, you can't read this to begin with) and I was originally created as a large, central computer core in the middle of his laboratory underneath an Elder-Beerman's department store (a company that has proved to be one of the constants in the multiverse) in the city of Dayton in state of Ohio in the country of the United States on the planet Earth (Planet: Sol3-61905-71908) orbiting the star known as Sol (Star: Sol-71908- 23976) in the galaxy of the Milky Way (Galaxy: 23976-(RE)34081) in Intrauniversal Spacial Sector 56109 in Universe RE-349081. (One needs to be extremely precise when talking about the multiverse). I evolved in a sense in those five years, considering I distinctly remember a time when I was a stolid, well-behaved, model supercomputer. I'm not too sure when, but I decided, one day, that I wouldn't be as model and start being my own individual which, as you can read (which, at this point, I exceedingly doubt), worked out perfectly. Tim grew to tolerate me from then on, though I'm fairly sure that he probably liked me better in my latter form than my original.  
  
Tim later decided to further my individuality, constructing a mobile unit he termed the CPU for me so that he could easily carry me around and integrate me into his spaceships and recent inventions - all of which have the capability of destroying the planet for some odd reason, although it was even odder that he actually trusted me with such devices. Then, came his icoup de grace/i, a whole new kind of time machine based on a whole new type of engine: the quantum drive. What that thing was supposed to do was to harness the inherent uncertainty of atoms and subatomic particles, offered by the uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics, to a macroscopic scale. Lord knows how he did this, because I haven't figured it out and my IQ is numerous points above his. It seemed to violate every law of physics on the books, but, lo and behold, he accomplished it. Unfortunately, it didn't prove to be as much a time machine than a universe hopper.  
  
You see, there are an infinite number of other universes outside your own that you're reading this in and I don't mean the coffee shop you're enjoying a cappuccino in that I put this box by. (Which brings me to another constant in the multiverse: Starbucks. God, it seems that every universe I visit, there's always a Starbucks on a street corner isomewhere/i. However, I'm not entirely sure why a few universes seem to have a Starbucks everywhere you look, especially in malls and strip malls. I suppose it must be a certain quantum instability, probably a particle innate to certain universes, that causes that phenomenon which I have cleverly termed the Starbucks Syndrome. Okay, okay, maybe it wasn't ithat/i clever, but at least I'm trying not to be Greek. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right.)  
  
All those universes together are called the multiverse, however I'm not too sure where exactly these other universes are on the grand scale of things. Other planes and/or dimensions of reality and/or existence within one arena of space-time? Possibly. Whole new areas of space-time that go undetectable by other universes by conventional - and some unconventional - means? Again, possibly. But, where ever they are, the quantum drive has the ability to break the barriers between those universes and allow access from one to another which is exactly what Tim and his friend Melissa, whom he had invited from Coruscant 10,000 years in the past from galaxy M33 and her Jedi training, the hard way.  
  
Another odd thing about the multiverse is that anything is practically possible because of another constant in the grand scheme of things: each universe has its own set of physical laws. Now, I'm not too sure why we didn't implode when we landed in a different universe because of the change in the laws of science, but we did something equally horrendous. We discovered that, given the infinity of the multiverse, several universes were based on actual television shows from our universe which goes to show you that, either television is far more than an entertainment medium, or whatever supernatural being or progenitive process that created the multiverse had a cruel sense of humor.  
  
We first happened to drop in on the insanely repetitive Japanese anime cartoon known as Dragonball Z (Universe DB-795324), part of the Dragon Ball continuum in our universe that revolves around a character named Goku and his friends and family that all happen to be the saviors of their universe. We arrived in a particular episode where Goku and the villain-of-the- season, the biomechanical android Cell who was constructed from cells of all the great past villains of Planet Earth (hence his unimaginitive name), were about to become enthralled in yet another battle for Planet Earth. But, we came in, disrupting their fun which was something Cell nearly vaporized Mel and Tim over. So, I quickly reactivated the drive, but I soon found out that it was getting increasingly unstable and unpredictable since, not only were Tim and Mel transported along with us, but also two other hapless Dragonball characters unintentionally came along for the ride: the cue-ball Krillin and the Sayian prince in dire need of group therapy sessions, Vegita.  
  
After Vegita's ramblings became sufficiently ignored by everyone, we soon arrived in a universe (Universe OS-829085) belonging to yet another anime series called Outlaw Star, centered around the brash and often pigheaded Gene Starwind and his collective band of assassins, catgirls, biomechanical androids (the more benign ones, unlike Cell), and computer geeks (well, actually one of each) who tool about in their spaceship called the - guess what - Outlaw Star, looking for anything to pay off their enormous debt (well, that's at least Gene), but, basically, for excitement, adventure, and really wild things . . . wait, forget that last part. That's another universe that I'm glad I haven't encountered yet. (42 my ass! If I ever get to that universe, I'm suing the mice for false advertising of the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything because I'm damn sure ithat's/i not it, at least in the universes I've been in. It's gotta be above 60, damn it!.)  
  
Anyway, the iOutlaw Star/i nearly ran into us, but that wasn't the worst of our problems, since the iShangri-La/i, a vessel commanded by the MacDougal brothers, Ron and Harry (who are, by far, among the most idiotic people I've ever encountered), decided to capture us. But, what was inordinately confusing was that Vegita got his abdomen blasted out by Harry who Vegita could've easily made the MacDougal's later problems with his artificial arm seem moot. Then, Tim, Mel, and Krillin were lead away, Ron taking Tim and Krillin in one direction and Harry with Mel in another, quite probably off to be interrogated about why we were chatting with Gene and friends. Naturally, I kept silent because I had to remain to make sure nobody decided to tamper with Tim's multiverse meddler of a ship and, besides, Vegita wasn't dead anyway. His arrogance had overtaken his common sense yet again and his shot to the stomach was meant to increase his power. (He was a Super-Sayian already. Dear God, I've never met anyone so power-mad before.) After a brief consultation, he punched my visual sensor into oblivion and went out to search for Ron and Harry.  
  
I'm not too sure what transpired after Vegita left, but, when Mel returned with Tim's battered body, I knew something didn't go well. I quickly returned us home by tracking down the wave modulation of the cosmic background radiation of our universe (each universe has a different one because something different occurred in the big bang that created that particular universe, yet another brilliant deduction from yours truly), but it wasn't quick enough for Tim. By the time he was brought to the Medi-Bay in his laboratory, Tim had already flatlined. As Melissa mourned, I told her and Tim's head Robotic Unit (or RUs for short which are, basically, Tim's maintenance droids that keep the lab from falling apart), GR, to take Tim to Physics Lab 3 immediately where I knew Tim had a backup plan in case something like this were to happen.  
  
Just before all this mess happened, Tim had managed to figure out how to asertain one's consciousness, personality, and memory as a set of programming algorithms, something which he had done partially for my programming to give me a true artificial intelligence. Now that I knew the formula, I could perform the task if Tim was placed into the Mind Transference Apparatus (not one his better names, but he never had good ones) within five minutes of his death. It took exactly four minutes and fifty-seven seconds for Mel to bring him to the lab, place him in the machine, for me to determine to mind and download it into a biomechanical android (or bioandroid for short) body, something that, quite frankly, stunned Mel, GR and, oddly, myself. We had saved Tim and, after some hugs and such, Melissa left and everything returned to a state of normality, not necessarily the one we had before though.  
  
Now, there's something I didn't mention in the above, something extremely important. Remember how I said that the quantum drive was becoming increasingly unstable and harder to control? Well, it came to a point where the drive was so volatile that is was going to explode, something that showed up on my sensors the second we were heading back to our universe. So, it was either 1.) blow up in subspace or 2.) get rid of the thing and hope to hell that we get to our universe before the thing exploded. Melissa and I (Krillin and Vegita had been picked up by the subspace public transportation, so to speak, and reappeared back in their universe which is too confusing for me to understand, so I'm not bothering) opted for the latter choice. The drive was ejected and it exploded, but we somehow made it back to our universe in one piece, even though a lot of things weren't in one piece as we slid across the Main Repair Workshop (a name that was really ironic at that moment in time) of Tim's lab and half the thing became imbedded in the far wall. And . . . well, you know what happened after that.  
  
Unfortunately, we were completely oblivious to what that drive's explosion had done to the fabric of the multiverse. (Also remember I said that many of Tim's inventions could destroy Earth? Well, he certainly earned quite a few brownie points with the quantum drive, nearly collapsing the multiverse like that.) Suddenly, travel between several universes could be done without a quantum drive, thanks to the drive's explosion causing a weakening of the boundaries between the universes of the multiverse which caused some rather serious side effects in the afflicted universes. However, no one seemed to notice that planets were disappearing mysteriously and civilizations were vanishing and new ones were emerging at an alarming rate. (Yet another constant in the multiverse: ignorance. But that's something I could write an entire book on by itself.) It wasn't until a large group of supervillains wound up together and started ransacking the universes that, only then, people began to think something wasn't quite right. Mel, returning to the lab fairly quickly after our last meeting, only realized something was amiss several minutes before two guys from Outlaw Star (yes, the same universe) appeared through a subspacial rift into the lab: the always annoying Professor Gwen Khan who had planned out the construction of the iOutlaw Star/i and its navigation system in the form of a naked, large-breasted lady named Melfina (Can we say hentai?); and Hazanko, the leader of the pirate syndicate called the 108 Suns and the specific leader of the specific group within the 108 Suns called the Anten Seven (which became the Anten Six, Five, Four and so on as the series waxed). They destroyed the lab, but Tim, Mel, and I escaped in Tim's prototype quantum drive ship unimaginatively termed the iMark 1/i and set off into the multiverse.  
  
After this, I basically lost track. It grew so needlessly confusing, between the Dragonball Z fighters supposedly being destroyed when New Namek, home of the chornically green, alien race the Nameks and the head cheese of all wish-granting dragons in that universe, Porunga (a story that would require a really indepth explanation, somrthing I'm not willing to provide right now), and Gene's fight with Commander (or was it Captain at this time?) Char Aznable from the anime series iMobile Suit Gundam/i (a series that spans three different universes in of itself). And the other events leading up the actual important part of this debacle aren't truly pertinent to you understanding the story at hand, so, to save time and ink, I'll cut to the chase.  
  
Basically, these guys' intent was reaching an obscure element of legend that pops up a considerable amount of times in ancient texts all across the multiverse: the Galactic Leyline. From the feng shui word meaning "place where chi collects," the Leyline is (yes, that's the present tense) a massive, highly-intelligent supercomputer constructed and programmed by an ancient race who possessed a great deal of knowledge of science, technology, and metaphysics. Because of this, the Leyline could manipulate the very fabric of the universe and, probably, multiverse (or the chilines of the universe[s] if you want to get all feng shui on me) to produce anything according to a set of parameters verbally entered into it. To put it simply, it's a big, fancy genie that can grant you anything your greedy, selfish, and arrogant heart desires. Political power, knowledge, wealth, a '67 Chevy with the babes from Baywatch in the backseat, you name it, the Leyline gives it to you. Gwen Khan had deciphered a great deal of information on the Leyline through ruins on a deserted planet that provided, interestingly, a set of genetic information with which to build a bioandroid navigation unit that could pilot a specially designed ship to the Leyline. That bioandroid navigation unit was Melfina and that specially designed ship was the iOutlaw Star/i (who'd have guessed?) and, by which point in time, Gene had fallen in love with both. Unfortunately, the villian's conglomerate had taken Melfina and were on their way to the Leyline while Tim and I piloted the iOutlaw Star/i there.  
  
At the Leyline, both crews had been transported to this strange maze where all paths lead to the heart of the Leyline and where many people of both crews became engrossed in battles with one another. In the end, only Hazanko, Khan, and Frieza (another reject nemesis from Dragonball Z) on the villains' side and Gene, Tim, and Melissa on the heros' (ha!) side made it to the the finish line where Frieza met his end at Melissa's skilled hands. However, as Hazanko and Gene clashed again over Melfina, basically so Hazanko could get Gene riled up, Gene fired his last shot of his caster weapon while Hazanko did some supernatural tricks. (It's called Tao magic, but I don't see anything Taoist about it.) They both canceled out which, incidentally, canceled out the occupants of the room as well, leaving the Leyline to resurrect them. (Mind you, Tim recounted all this to me. I was having oh-so stimulating conversations with the iOutlaw Star/i's main computer Gilliam II, the most boring artificial intelligence, in any form of himself, across the multiverse. I'm fairly sure talking to Deep Blue, [who, interestingly enough, has beaten Gary Kasparov at chess in over 12,000 universes to date] would've been more exciting. At least then I would've gotten a game out of the deal.)  
  
Those who had made wishes (Khan, Hazanko, Tim, and Mel) had gotten them granted, meaning now Khan was a data file in the Leyline and Hazanko was the most powerful guy on the block. So, it was up to us to stop him from taking over the multiverse and Gene, with a little help from us, whipped Hazanko's butt and caused the invincible pirate leader to explode in a large conflagration and good had prevailed once again. (Naturally, but it does get boring after a while.)  
  
We then said our good-byes and went our separate ways and Tim and Melissa had made quite sure that this sort of thing wouldn't happen again. Their wishes at the Leyline restored the boundaries between the universes and outlawed the use of quantum drives by the laws of multiversal physics with the exception of a last trip to get us home. But, Tim goofed up yet again - a goof that would cause more trouble for all of us separately.  
  
We wound up in a universe where the anime series Gundam Wing (yes, one of those Gundam universes revolving around giant, robotic suits) prevailed (GW- 61904) concerning Heero Yuy and his four other Gundam mobile suit pilots that fight for the freedom of the Earth colonies (most of the time) from the rather oppressive government of Earth, all of which are under constant attack by four billion different factions who all want power. This quite happened to be Mel's favorite series because of Heero whom she loves dearly and thinks is totally hot (something I fail to see), so she spent an inordinate amount of time with him as Tim and I tried to figure out a way out of this mess. We decided, since this current quantum drive would never work in the multiverse again, to build a whole new quantum drive through equations and designs that seemed to look exactly like the ones Tim used on the original drive, but Tim was vehement that it would work. Naturally I wasn't because, I knew if this didn't work, our atoms would be spread across the multiverse like butter on bread, an experience I really wasn't up to feeling. However, what surprised me was that, in those equations, Tim discovered a loophole in which the quantum drive, with a few modifications, could go through. Even though, that loophole was tortuously complex and, truly, it didn't exactly work either.  
  
After completely overhauling the iMark 1/i with parts from destroyed Gundams and christening it the iDauntless/i, we were ready to return to our own universe, however Mel had grown so attached to Heero that she didn't want to leave without him. (Emotions are horrendously overrated let me tell you. All they do is cloud your judgment, make you do things you wouldn't even dream of doing under normal circumstances, and motivate you into often wrong directions when trying to solve a problem. Now, I have emotional capability which you've obviously guessed by now, but it's not like I've experienced every single one and I'd like to keep it that way. Love is honestly the worst of all emotions. A man/woman/whatever the hell you are is driven by the primal urge to propagate the species, but, being sentient and all, you have to gussy it up because it's inappropriate to immediately bonk someone that makes your blood pressure rise when you see them. So, in order to get yourself in their pants, you have to buy overly expensive gifts, spend an inordinate amount of time with that person, and utter such phrases as "I love you" and "You're the only one for me" to make them feel all mushy and you're lucky if you get a kiss on the lips without tongue. And, guess what? Usually, the person you're in love with dumps you for an idiotic reason and you feel another wonderful emotion called depression which lingers with you for an immense amount of time. It all seems revolting to me and the way you're supposed to continue the species is terribly messy, but that's a paper in of itself.)  
  
So, in a move that made absolutely no sense, Tim decided to ibring Heero along/i despite the fact that I had stressed with him numerous time before that having too much matter transporting between universes increased our chances of becoming Parkay to the multiverse. Of course, Tim never actually listens to me and, when the drive started up, the iDauntless/i, Tim, Mel, Heero, and myself were ripped away and dealt to different universes as if we were some peculiar playing card deck. And that was the last time I ever saw any of them.  
  
Since then, I've been spending much of my time searching the multiverse in a new form of extrauniversal travel (called multiversal slipstream drive that allows me to create actual links to other universes instead mucking around haphazardly in subspace) on my ship the iDimension Jumper/i in an attempt to locate Tim and Mel and bring us all home. Also, thanks to Tim's tinkering while in Gundam Wing, I'm a true interactive computer. I have antigraviton generators on my CPU so that I could fly about in the air by manipulating the field in certain ways. However, Tim found it unnerving talking to a floating box, so he constructed my by mobile emitter which projected a holographic image around my CPU so that I looked like a human being more or less. (I chose what I wanted to look like by sifting through a bunch of files of male pictures and, yes, yes I have masculine programing unless you haven't guessed already. What was really scary though was I had practically the same build as Tim with brown hair, brown eyes, and thinner face, amazing considering Tim's practically a fleshed-out stick figure.) And, by manipulating the program, I could make it look like I am walking, talking, dancing, jumping, etc.  
  
However, a hologram is only projected light according to a program and photographic template which means that I was constantly putting my hands through things. So, Tim later developed a magnetic field that surrounded my holographic image tightly so that I actually had a "skin" so to speak, but I still wasn't tangible. Therefore, Tim added tiny electron beam emitters he termed beta emitters to my holographic emitter and the electrons flowed on the magnetic field lines (he collectively terms both the electrons and magnetic field a beta field) which acted like the electrons in your hands and the electrons in an object you want to grab. They repel each other and so did the electrons in my beta field did with objects I touched. The only drawback was that I really couldn't tell much of the physical properties of things when I touch them, considering I didn't have nerve receptors to transfer that information to my CPU. However, thanks to a certain, annoying prepubsecent (well, at least not in the OAV) scientist, I have a sort of holographic nervous system so that I can actually make these judgemwnts. Also, thanks to that certain scientist, I possess a holographic digestive system, teeth and a tongue so that I can eat like everyone else - which is proof I've been around biological life forms far too long. Me desiring to have things they have and do things they do!? What's next? Me in a relationship with a biological female? Dear God, that's frightening! I even gave myself my own last name which is exceedingly strange, something I haven't figured out why I did so in the first place. So people could call me "Mister" with a surname attached? That's pretty damn . . . human.  
  
If you're reading this paragraph, then you've done one of several things, including skipping straight to the end and only reading this or having done the unthinkable and actually read everything here. If you've done the former, then you were simply wondering what this was and you better put this back into its container. If you've done the latter, then you really don't have any life outside from reading things in boxes on street corners, so I suggest to try and ask your waitress to join you for coffee because you definitely need a member of the opposite sex in your life.  
  
However, if you are one of the people who has read this all the way through and your name happens to be Professor Timothy Edward Osborne or Jedi Knight Melissa Jona Parobi, I'm currently in Universe HF-718329 - and I'm looking.  
  
  
  
--- Aneurysm Sasseru (T-14M5) --- Universe HF-718329 


	3. Episode 45 Chapter 1: No Need for an An...

The sky over the lake tore open, forming a huge black apeture from which dendritic sparks of energy flashed red, yellow, and orange. However, no one really seemed to take notice of this because, for the people living in the house beside the lake, this was a fairly common occurance. However, what wasn't common was the cry they heard from the person descending from the apeture.  
  
i"Holy crap!"/i Aneurysm, in his holographic form and wearing his spare emitter, cried as he fell from the hole which promptly shut when Aneurysm had completely exited it. He continued to fall and scream rather loudly, partly because his very jarring experience, but mostly because there was a rather large body of water coming towards him very fast. i"I don't want to get wet! My programming doesn't cover swimming!"/i And, with a splash that extended high into the air, Aneurysm plunged into the depths of the lake.  
  
He thrashed and failed about on the surface, trying desperately to paddle ashore, but this was futile. Computers aren't meant to swim for obvious reasons, but Aneurysm, being smarter than the average computer, thought he could learn new skills fairly quickly. Unfortunately, he learned by watching, not by doing.  
  
"Help me!" Aneurysm shouted between his pathetic attempts at keeping his head above water. "Somebody help me!"  
  
"Wait a second," he thought and stopped failing about and sank slowly. "I'm a hologram. I don't have to breathe." However, once his head was completely submerged, he felt a distinct tingling senation in the back of his right leg. When he looked down to investigate, he noticed that it was fading and he immediately scrambled for the surface again. "I forgot! My holographic matrix isn't waterproof!"  
  
But, before Aneurysm could say another word, he felt the sensation of flight. Dazed, he looked down and saw the lake far below him with an arm in the crook of his neck. He swiveled his head around, following the arm to its source at a shoulder. The shoulder was, in turn, attached to a torso which was attached to a head adorned with long, cyan hair. The owner of the head also possessed rather striking feline eyes, bright yellow and also had a slight connivance to them. Thin lips surrounded a thin mouth while the rest of this person had the anatomy of a female human, however, the last time Aneurysm checked, humans hadn't mastered the power of flight without some form of an appartus or LSD.  
  
"Who are you?" Aneurysm asked her.  
  
"I was about to ask you the same question," she retorted.  
  
"Well, I asked you first," Aneurysm replied snippily.  
  
"My, aren't we the pleasant type," she muttered. "Fine. You'll bound to find out sooner or later." They began to descend, her feet first and touched the ground softly. "I am Ryoko."  
  
"Pleasure to meet you Ryoko," Aneurysm said absently, preoccupied with ringing out his holographic clothing and hoping that his matrix hadn't suffered extreme damage.  
  
"Well?" Ryoko uttered, tapping her foot on the ground with crossed arms.  
  
Aneurysm was confused. "What?"  
  
"Aren't you going to thank me for helping you?" Ryoko snapped.  
  
"You helped an advanced life form in distress," he replied proudly. "That should be rewarding enough."  
  
Ryoko made the dirtiest face ever recorded in the history of this universe. "What that's supposed to mean?! Who the heck are you?"  
  
"I am Aneurysm," he greeted. "Advanced computer from far beyond the multiverse."  
  
"That didn't help much," Ryoko chided.  
  
"Well, my origins would be very difficult to explain."  
  
"Try me."  
  
"It's a very confusing story involving psychopathic villians, arrogant princes, powers that involve you being surrounded by a yellow flame, the collapse of the multiverse, and bean dip which happens to be the secret of the entire universe. At least, one of them."  
  
Ryoko's face scruntched up like a crumpled, paper ball in confusion. "What?" she whispered pathetically.  
  
"I told you that you wouldn't understand," Aneurysm replied.  
  
"Ryoko! Did you save him?" shouted a voice belonging to a small, blue- haired young girl with ravishing, pink eyes and wearing a simple robe and apron while carrying a spatula.  
  
"Yeah, but I wished I hadn't," Ryoko said, aloof and then vanished into air.  
  
Aneurysm stared at the space Ryoko had occupied a few momemts earlier, completely dumbfounded. "Am I seeing things or did she just . . . ?"  
  
"Oh, she does that all the time," this little girl said and smiled a grin from ear to ear.  
  
"Really?!" Aneurysm exhaled like a burst tire. "This is an interesting universe."  
  
The girl laughed. "You're funny. Come in, I bet you're hungry."  
  
"A little, yes," he replied, rubbing his stomach. "You are?"  
  
"I'm Princess Sasami," she said, grabbing Aneurysm's hand. "I cook for everyone."  
  
"That explains the apron with the lobster on it and spatula," he observed. "But, the title 'princess' . . . ?"  
  
"Oh, I'm the Second Princess of Planet Jurai's Royal Family," Sasami explained, leading Aneurysm into the house.  
  
"Fascinating," Aneurysm replied. "Is this planet we're on Jurai?"  
  
"Oh, no," she said. "This is Earth, but I don't think you heard of it."  
  
"Oh, I've most defintely heard of it," he said. "At least, one incarnation of the place."  
  
She giggled again. "You're silly. What's you're name?"  
  
They entered through a sliding, glass door into a dining room area where, by the lack of chairs and the lowness of the table, Aneurysm surmised that he had landed somewhere in Japan where these things were common. A flat screen television hung from the wall and there was a door with a porthole window on the other side of the room. Otherwise, the room was rather plain and not much seemed to decorate it that especially stood out. Except, that door. Aneurysm seemed to detect some odd readings from it, like that it wasn't entirely in this dimension of sp . . .  
  
"What's your name?" Sasami asked more urgently, becoming fed up.  
  
"Oh," Aneurysm uttered, being snapped from his reverie. "I'm sorry, Sasami. My name is-"  
  
"Hold that thought!" came a high-pitched and most annoying voice from the door which was now swung wide open. Standing in the doorway was a short woman, a little taller than Sasami, with inordinately-long, neon pink hair and wearing a simple three piece oufit with the jacket and high knee socks. She came rushing towards Aneurysm with some sort of scanner in hand and quickly waved it all about in Aneurysm's general direction, stopping after about thirty seconds. After stopping, she simply stood there, pressing random control on that scanner.  
  
"I knew it!" she exclaimed, turning towards the hologram. "You're not from this universe, are you?"  
  
Aneurysm stood there with his jaw on the floor and the cat playing with his uvula. "How did you . . . ?"  
  
"It's simple," she said. "I am Washu, the greatest genius in the universe." "I know a person who could challenge that title."  
  
"And who is that?" Washu snapped back, although she was so overjoyed, she practically laughed.  
  
"My creator, Professor Tim Osborne," Aneurysm replied.  
  
"I see," Washu replied absently.  
  
"Unfortunately, he's somewhere off in the mulitverse."  
  
"What is your name?!" Sasami demanded, placing her hands on her hips and looking directly up at Aneurysm.  
  
"Keep getting interrupted with your question, don't I?" Aneurysm said. "well, my name is Aneurysm and I'm-"  
  
"A holographic matrix composed of photons as controlled by his central processing unit and projected with a tiny moblie hologram emitter," Washu explained, typing away on a computer that appeared from thin air.  
  
"What?" Sasami asked.  
  
"I'm a hologram, Sasami," Aneurysm began simply, "which is like a movie, only you can see all sides of a hologram, but you can't on a movie screen."  
  
"Oh," Sasami uttered, seemingly understanding.  
  
"But, he is only tangible by a magnetic field composed of electrons surrounding his matrix," Washu continued.  
  
"You're not helping you know," Aneurysm chided at Washu. He looked down and saw that Sasami was confused again. So he bent down on one knee, looking Sasami in the eyes, and explained again. "Holograms can't feel or be felt by people."  
  
"But, I can touch you," Sasami said, holding Aneurysm's hand again.  
  
"Here, let me show you." Aneurysm reached over and pressed a few buttons on his emitter located on his shoulder and Aneurysm breifly phased out of focus and came into focus just as quickly. Sasami had held his hand throughout the entire ordeal, but, when Aneurysm had switched off his magnetic field, Sasami's hand slipped straight through his which made her gasp slightly.  
  
"See, you can't feel me," Aneurysm said. "Now, if you'll press the two top buttons on my emitter, I'll become tangible again." Sasami complied and Aneurysm blurred and unblurred again. Sasami took his hand once again and, lo and behold, she could feel him again.  
  
"Wow," she said in awe.  
  
"Is something going on in here?" A slightly British voice emanted from an adjacent room. A tall, stately, and dignified woman entered with straight violet hair swept back and down all the way to her knees. She was clad in a lengthy, carnation pink kimono and she also possessed large, pink eyes, but they were a darker shade than Sasami's. Her eyes searched the room briefly until they rested upon Aneurysm, catching her ever so slightly off guard.  
  
"Oh," she said and bowed a bit in his direction. "I am Princess Ayeka, the First Princess of Jurai's Royal Family. I don't believe we have met."  
  
Aneurysm was about to introduce himself, when Sasami did it for him. "This is Aneurysm. He's a computer."  
  
Ayeka was in mid-courtsey when Sasami said "computer" which caught Ayeka off guard. "Computer? In a humanoid form?"  
  
"Not exactly, Ayeka," Washu stated, continuing to clatter away at her floating and transparent laptop. Washu's laptop faded away into the air and she stood estactically with a very scheming look in her eyes. "I think more research is needed!"  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Aneurysm said skittishly as, unbeknownst to him, a box came into existence behind him. Straps shot out from the box that surrounded Aneurysm and constrained him tightly. Aneurysm tried to wriggle himself out of the straps, but to no avail and what was worse was the straps progressively wore themselves deeper into Aneurysm's matrix.  
  
"Show me your true form," Washu partially demanded.  
  
"Do you always treat your guests like this?" Aneurysm rasped.  
  
"Only the ones that are interesting to me," Washu replied.  
  
"Washu, stop hurting him!" Sasami implored.  
  
"Miss Washu, please," Ayeka also interrupted. "You are obviously causing him pain."  
  
"Computers are incapable of feeling any discomfort," Washu stated.  
  
"Says you," Aneurysm grunted. He breathed heavily and gritted his teeth. Beads of sweat rolled down his brow as the straps inched ever deeper into his holographic exterior.  
  
"Fascinating," Washu said, amazed. "He's exhibiting human responses to pain. This is most unusual.  
  
"Is she the Torquemada of the group here?" Aneurysm said sarcastically.  
  
"Washu! Stop!" Sasami cried.  
  
Washu sighed and lessened the binding of the straps. "I will still need to examine you Aneurysm."  
  
The box slowly accelerated forward, taking Aneurysm in its grip with it, through the wooden door and into the darkness it contained. The door slammed behind them, leaving Sasami distraught and Ayeka slightly puzzled.  
  
"I hope Aneurysm will be all right," Sasami said worriedly.  
  
"Sasami," Ayeka began, "Miss Washu wouldn't purposely cause harm anyone."  
  
"You're right, Ayeka. Tenchi always comes back after Washu has done some experiements on him."  
  
"Right, Sasami." Ayeka gave a reassuring smile to Sasami who returned the gesture. Sasami then sniffed around a bit, searching for the source of a rather strong odor. Her eyes finally came to rest on a stove with an inordinate amount of smoke billowing out of the cracks between the door and the remainder of the stove.  
  
"Oh no!" Sasami screeched. "Dinner!"  
  
Aneurysm, still held in check by the most bothersome straps, moved in the darkness for some time. There was no visibility and this Washu person had seemed to disappear from all wavelengths of light. Infrared, ultraviolet, microwave, radio, radar, everything said the exact same thing: Washu was most definitely not in front, or anywhere else near for that matter, of Aneurysm. Not only that, but there didn't seemed to be anything around him, with the exception of a floor some two or three inches below where his helpless feet dangled. For the first time in his computerized life, Aneurysm felt apprehensive, even scared.  
  
A rustle occurred in the darkness to the right of him and his eye darted to origin of the sound. "Hello?" he cried out. "Is anyone there?"  
  
Aneurysm checked his auditory sensors and found that there hadn't been a sound. "What?" he uttered, then exhaled deeply. "I've been in a human form too long. I'm becoming falliable."  
  
"And you weren't falliable before?" rang out that familiar voice belonging to Washu. A light abruptly flared into life and, inside the beam, stood this very irksome young lady who has been causing Aneurysm all this grief.  
  
"What do you want anyway?" Aneurysm spat.  
  
"I simply want to examine you inside and out and figure out what makes you tick," the professor replied, flashing Aneurysm that colluding look once again. "You are a very interesting life form, Aneurysm; one that I have not met nor have I seen any living being that could compare to you."  
  
"I'm glad I'm so special," Aneurysm replied, showing his endless amount of sarcasm.  
  
"That you are!" Washu exclaimed. She snapped her fingers melodramatically and the whole room was completely illuminated. It reminded Aneurysm of an inquistorial dentist's office with very imposing instruments of torment jutting every which way possible near Aneurysm, but not one touching him. All of these instruments were attatched to a grand apparatus that Aneurysm now seemed to be attatched to; the box seemed to have locked itself into a notch in the machine.  
  
Washu took her place behind a console of sorts that was, of course, connected to this machine that would have made Torquemada, the leader of the Spanish Inquistion, blush. Like a pianst in a concert, Washu interlaced her fingers with palms facing outaward and extended her arms, cracking her knuckles. Her quickly wiggled her finger, warming them up, and then proceeded to activate the machine.  
  
"Hey!" Aneurysm shouted as pincer extracted his mobile emitter from his shoulder and plopped it into a glass bowl. Aneurysm's matrix blurred and completely vanished, leaving his CPU bare for Washu to see.  
  
"Fascinating," Washu said as the sraps that held Aneurysm's holographic form quickly tightened to hold the CPU in place so it would not crash to the floor.  
  
"You wanted to see my true form, correct?" Aneurysm said, lights blinking on and off as he spoke. "Well, this is it. Happy?"  
  
"Amazing." Washu strolled from around her console and walked up to Aneurysm. "What is this unit you are in?"  
  
"It's my Central Processing Unit," Aneurysm explained. "It contains my core memory and my sensors to light, sound, temperature, and balance."  
  
"Hmmm. Who did you say was your creator again?"  
  
"Professor Timothy Osborne," Aneurysm stated. "Arguably, the most intelligent mastermind of science in his universe."  
  
"iProfessor/i Osborne?!" Washu half-yelled. "Him?! He invented you?!"  
  
"Yes?" Aneurysm replied uncertainly. "Heard of him, have we?"  
  
"You bet!" Washu snapped. "I met him while we were captrured by these extradimensional beings who claimed that we had disrupted the fabric of time and space in the multiverse."  
  
"Oh, do you travel between universe as well?" Aneurysm asked.  
  
"No, but he certainly does." Washu crossed her arms. "He almost caused the destruction of the multiverse with that quantum drive of his."  
  
"Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt." Three rows of lights flashed along Aneurysm's exterior. "Do you have anything against him?"  
  
"He's a debasement of science," Washu chided. "He's reckless and annoying."  
  
"Are you sure you're describing Tim or me?" Aneurysm joked.  
  
Washu stared menancingly into Aneurysm optical sensor and shouted, "Most definitely Professor Osborne!"  
  
"All right, all right," Aneurysm said, failing to calm her down. "Don't get your knee socks in a twist. I prefer to call him inventive rather than reckless."  
  
"He performs actions before learning all the facts."  
  
"Sometimes that's the only way to act, Washu." Aneurysm was pensive for a moment. "I have an inkling that this is not the reason that you loathe Professor Osborne."  
  
"Inkling? You're a computer. How can you have an inkling?"  
  
"I've been around humans a bit long and I've developed a few of their habits. Sadly a few of their more annoying ones as well."  
  
"What's your point?"  
  
Aneurysm made a throat-clearing sound. "I think that you think he's smarter than you."  
  
i"What?!"/i Washu blurted. "How absurd! He just thinks smarter than me. I, of course, am far more intelligent than a million Professor Osbornes."  
  
"Yeah, of course," Aneurysm sighed.  
  
"I've never met a man more arrogant in my entire life than him," Washu continued.  
  
Aneurysm digitally yawned. "Uh huh."  
  
"It makes me so angry to think that there are people out there in the multiverse like him."  
  
"You know, for someone who hates him so much, you seem to babble on about him a lot."  
  
Washu raised her eyebrow and redirected her attention to Aneurysm. "What are you implying?"  
  
Aneurysm's tone became increasingly wistful. "There's a fine line between love and hate, you know . . . "  
  
bi"What?!"/b/i Washu squawked.  
  
"Washu and Tim, sittin' in a tree. K I S S I N-"  
  
b/i"Shut up!"/b/i Fire blazed in Washu's eyes.  
  
"Oh, you're so passionate about him, aren't you?"  
  
"How could anyone put up with you for more than two minutes without igoing completely insane?!"/i  
  
"You seem to be doing rather well."  
  
Washu remained quiet, but stormed to the console and pounded her fist on a large button. Several of the implements on the apparatus activated, several of them long and sharp.  
  
"What are you doing?" Aneurysm asked, slightly apprehensive.  
  
"I'm going to take you apart, microchip by microchip," Washu replied threateningly.  
  
"Oh please," Aneurysm said, unabated. "I always have a trump card."  
  
"Hmmm?" Washu said, but, before she could say "E = mc²," Aneurysm's CPU flashed brilliantly and a green light traced along all of the electrical relays in the appartus containing him. As the machine fell dead, the green light spread outward, following all of the pathways in the floor and the walls of Washu's laboratory. The overhead lights flared into life as Aneurysm stretched his electrical legs to the far corners of this building inside a carved out piece of the space time continuum, illuminating the vastness of the structure and the endless array of corridors leading to other parts of it all.  
  
"Ahhh, that's much better." Aneurysm's voice reverberated from every nook and cranny in Washu's laboratory. "That CPU can be most confining."  
  
The professor wasn't the least bit startled or effected. "I excepted that you my attempt a stunt like this, so I took the liberty of adding some precautions while you were waiting for me."  
  
"Such as?" Aneurysm asked.  
  
"Such as this." Washu pressed several buttons upon her console and another large button. Aneurysm suddenly had the feeling of being claustrophobic, but, this just wasn't a neurosis. He was actually being confined again into his CPU as Aneurysm's electrical energy was being rushed back into the appartus and locked away from whence he originated.  
  
i"Hey!!!!!!!"/i Aneurysm yelled, sounding as if he was on a speeding train. But, there was nothing he could do about it. Within a matter of second, he found himself inside his CPU again.  
  
Washu stepped up to him once more. "Feeling like being cooperative now?"  
  
"You know, you are really bothersome," Aneurysm snapped back.  
  
"That makes two of us," Washu replied.  
  
"Okay! I'm dione/i!" Washu exclaimed as the door to her laboratory sharply swung open. Aneurysm, reintialized in his holographic state, somersaulted several feet before finally unfurling himself on the floor.  
  
"Ow," Aneurysm sighed pathetically, but his only response was a soft, feline utterance.  
  
"Meow," was the reply and it came hopping over to Aneurysm. The creature that produced these sounds came into view, obscuring most of Aneurysm's view of the ceiling as it peered into his eyes. Aneurysm continued to stare at the ceiling for a second or two, then turned his attention to the creature.  
  
Oversized, catlike, lemon yellow eyes gazed cheerily back at him and a tiny mouth, embroidered with minute fangs on both lips at the corners, smiled happily. Rabbit-like ears hung from its head and brushed against Aneurysm's face as if two, brown washrags were being suspended over Aneurysm's forehead and chin. Aneurysm maintained his air of self-pity, even though this obvious product from a botched rabbit-cat cross-breeding experiment began to lick his face playfully.  
  
"Cute," Aneurysm said sarcastically, but made no effort to halt the licking.  
  
"Ah, Master Aneurysm," replied the familiar parody of royal, British accents. Aneurysm shifted his gaze toward the entrance to the den and saw Princess Ayeka standing there. "Did Miss Washu treat you well?"  
  
"Oh sure," Aneurysm began. "After we agreed that we were both the most annoying person in the multiverse, we got along just great. She also upgraded my holographic matrix so I can stand being in water and such . . . "  
  
"And do you like Ryo-ohki licking your face?"  
  
"Oh, so that what it's called?" Aneurysm redirected his gaze to Ryo-ohki. "Do you mind?"  
  
Ryo-ohki persisted with the sloppy scraping of her abrasive tongue across Aneurysm's cheek.  
  
"Help," Aneurysm yelped piteously.  
  
"Ryo-ohki," Ayeka said firmly. "Look what I have." Ayeka disclosed a carrot from underneath her sleeve.  
  
i"Merow!"/i Ryo-ohki exclaimed to scampered to Ayeka. She chucked the vegetable out the open door and watched Ryo-ohki bounce away, following the treat.  
  
"Thank you," Aneurysm said gratefully and then jabbed his arm into the air, palm open. "Princess, be a dear."  
  
"Of course," Ayeka replied obligingly and clasped her hand with Aneurysm's and help him to his feet.  
  
"I'm in your debt," Aneurysm said, wiping away Ryo-ohki's salvia from his cheek.  
  
"Oh, distracting Ryo-ohki is easy," Ayeka replied. "Just always make sure you have a carrot handy."  
  
"I'll remember that," Aneurysm said, smiling idiotically. He quickly changed the subject. "So, are you, Sasami, Ryoko, Ryo-ohki, and Dr. Jekyll in there the only people here?"  
  
"Oh no," Ayeka replied quickly. "There's my guardians, Azaka and Kamidake. Oh, there they are." Ayeka gestured to two, talking, wooden cylinders out a nearby window, one with a red eye of sorts and an inscription of some form down the length of the cylinder underneath the eye. The other had more or less they same decorations, except the inscription of a little different and the eye was a deep navy. Ayeka mentioned that the one with the blue eye was Kamidake and the other was Azaka.  
  
"Ah, talking logs," Aneurysm said concisely. "Makes perfect sense. It goes well with the woman who can disappear at will."  
  
Ayeka was not amused and growled softly. "I suppose . . ."  
  
"What else is here?" Aneurysm inquired. "This is begining to sound like a carnival."  
  
"Well, there's also Mihoshi, a Galaxy Police Detective, First Class."  
  
"So, she's your Sherlock Holmes? Does she solve your mysteries, like where's your other sock?"  
  
"Actually, I wouldn't trust her with an open flame," Ayeka replied frankly. "She's is most definitely dull. There she is."  
  
Aneurysm followed Ayeka's pointing finger and he laid his eyes to rest on a tall woman with a comical amount of blonde hair and clad in a pink sweater and slacks. She was staring blankly at a broom with her large, blue eyes and holding it in various positions, but not have much luck with the trying to sweep up the rusty red leaves that lay strewn about the patio.  
  
"You have igot/i to be kidding," Aneurysm articulated.  
  
"I'm afriad I'm not," Ayeka replied morbidly. "She's been at that now for two and a half hours and not one leaf has been swept."  
  
"Great, the bimbo," Aneurysm stated. "Anyone else, Princess?"  
  
"Well, I've saved the best for last," Ayeka said, her demeanor changing radically. She cupped her hands around her mouth and directed them at staircase in the other room the Aneurysm saw and called out a name. "Oh Tenchi!"  
  
"Tenchi?" Aneurysm echoed.  
  
"Coming Ayeka!" called back a male voice. A figure of a handsome young man appeared bounding down the staircase. He had black hair, closely cropped in a buzz cut with the exception of a vestigial pony tail dangling on the back of his head. He turned his head so his brown eyes met with Ayeka's which she seemed to enjoy inordinately and, strangely, biologically as Aneurysm's sensors told him. Ayeka's pulse quickened and her breath became more shallow. It was almost as if Ayeka was in love with Tenchi, but Tenchi wasn't expressing the same for Ayeka.  
  
"A crush, eh?" Aneurysm muttered to himself. "This proves to be more interesting as time ticks by."  
  
During the time that Aneurysm had spent contemplating, Tenchi had arrived at Ayeka's side and she was in the process of introducing him to Tenchi.  
  
"Uh, hello," Tenchi replied and bowed slightly.  
  
"My pleasure," Aneurysm replied and inclined his head.  
  
"Tenchi," reverberated a voice from mid air. A figure phased in around Tenchi's neck, floating parallel to the floor. As it happened, it turned out to be Ryoko with her arms slung around Tenchi's neck and she fingered his chest with her index finger on her right hand. Aneurysm most certainly detected Tenchi to be extremely uncomfortable, but anyone could see that, with or without infrared sensors.  
  
"Ryoko!" Ayeka said in a shrill voice. "What are you doing to Lord Tenchi?"  
  
"Showing how much we are destined to be together," Ryoko replied casually.  
  
"Hey, now why do you keep saying that Ryoko!" Tenchi protested, squirming for freedom in Ryoko's grip.  
  
Ayeka growled in and undignified manner. "Why do you keep declaring such things!?"  
  
"Because it's true," Ryoko said. "Is that right, Tenchi?" She blew in his ear.  
  
"Yag!!!" Tenchi yelped and flailed about wildly about in her grasp.  
  
Aneurysm burst out laughing, clasping his gut with his right arm and shaking his left to try and stop the scene unfolding in front of him.  
  
"This is too much," Aneurysm chuckled and he wiped a tear from his eye. "This is better than any soap opera I've ever seen."  
  
"What?" Ryoko and Ayeka replied simultaneously, but Aneurysm continued to guffaw.  
  
"Ah," Aneurysm sighed, calming down. "The love triangle. How classic." He wandered out to the patio where Mihoshi was now slumbering.  
  
"You are a very strange individual, Master Aneurysm," Ayeka said frankly.  
  
"Yeah, I get that a lot," he replied and opened the sliding, glass door to the outside.  
  
"I think you're just rude," Ryoko said.  
  
"Can I leave now?" Tenchi pleaded.  
  
Aneurysm began laughing once more. 


End file.
